Aaron and I both saved our first kiss for our wedding day. We were also each other’s first and only romantic relationship. I realize both of these facts aren’t the norm in today’s world. While not everyone has the privilege of their first relationship being their only one, and I admire those people for an entirely different reason, we all have a choice in the decisions we make in our relationships.

While saving our first kiss for our wedding day was an easy choice, walking it out and the day by day choice to keep our vow was a little more challenging. Several weeks after Aaron and I started dating we went to a weekend conference several hours away with my parents. In between one of the sessions we explored the hotel and eventually settled down at a little table in the breakfast lounge.

Aaron and I both knew we wanted to keep our hearts and actions pure towards each other in our relationship but we hadn’t actually sat down yet and discussed the exact details. We were both a little awkward and shy but finally we just got down to it and asked the big question.

“What kind of physical boundaries do we want in our relationship?” I asked him. Where do you go from there? We decided to start from the top and work our way down.

“I’m guessing we both know we want to save sex for marriage, right?” This was answered with an affirmative “yes, absolutely.”

“How do you feel about kissing?” I had thought I would like to save my first kiss for my wedding day but wasn’t 100% sure because I also thought it would be special to share such a sweet, intimate moment in private.

Aaron’s answer surprised me and quickly settled the question for me. “I promised God I wouldn’t kiss a girl until the day she became my wife, sooo…” Well, I wasn’t about to get between him and God on that one!

We talked about other things too like holding hands, cuddling, and not being alone in a room with the door closed. It was definitely one of the more awkward conversations we had in our relationship but Aaron and I both agree that it was totally worth it to get uncomfortable because it allowed us to hold ourselves and each other accountable.

We did wait to kiss until our wedding day but decided to do a private first kiss. We skipped the traditional, “You may kiss the bride!” and instead took a few minutes by ourselves right after we were announced as husband and wife. There was plenty of tinkling knives on water glasses from our bridal party during the reception so there was no lack of PDA, (not that we minded! 😉

Everyone’s story is different and I don’t think there’s only one right way when it comes to setting physical boundaries in a dating relationship. Some people choose to have a completely hands off relationship while others choose to kiss after they’re engaged etc. As Christians, it’s important to hold the truth about God’s heart for sex, marriage, and dating relationships as our standard.

Will we always do it perfectly? No. Will we make mistakes and have to course correct? Definitely. My encouragement to you is to repent if you’ve made mistakes, allow God’s forgiveness to set you free from guilt or shame and then continue to set your eyes on the prize. I believe that if we truly want to honor God with our relationship and have humble hearts open to correction from trusted older mentors, God will give us convictions and the grace to walk them out.